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Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One
May. 22nd, 2009 09:17 am[Error: unknown template qotd]
To an extent. Until my divorce, and subsequent tentative exploration of my own sexuality, and frank discussions & observations of some friends, I would have said yes - as in HTH does polyamory work?? Can it work? - Naaaaaah
Learning about myself these past 3 yrs, I feel that while it is great to have your soulmate in one person, it is unrealistic to expect that one person to be your everything. I have so many different interests, NO ONE person fulfills them all. At best, I wouldn't have to look outside my relationship for one-half of my active interests (and inactive ones I want to get back into). In fact, by splitting my discussions amongst my friends, I have at least 1 person I can completely geek or connect to on any given topic. When you expect to have the one, the partner who isn't it can become very resentful when you look outside of them to get that mental or emotional fulfillment.
Going to some groups & talking to those in the poly lifestyle, while I do think it requires a bit more work, as you have 2 adults to keep happy - it also means there are 2 people to help you, whether the problem/feelings are yours, or the third in the partnership. You are not alone in solving your personal problems, nor are you alone in trying to help the one you love that is hurting. Of course, this also means there are 2 (or more) people trying to talk sense into you at times :)
After saying above, unless it is understood that you're having an open relationship, or a committed poly one, you should be monogamous. If that is NOT discussed and understood by all parties... well, I think that's where there's a big disconnect these days. I do think the current trend of serial monogamy is a joke.
To an extent. Until my divorce, and subsequent tentative exploration of my own sexuality, and frank discussions & observations of some friends, I would have said yes - as in HTH does polyamory work?? Can it work? - Naaaaaah
Learning about myself these past 3 yrs, I feel that while it is great to have your soulmate in one person, it is unrealistic to expect that one person to be your everything. I have so many different interests, NO ONE person fulfills them all. At best, I wouldn't have to look outside my relationship for one-half of my active interests (and inactive ones I want to get back into). In fact, by splitting my discussions amongst my friends, I have at least 1 person I can completely geek or connect to on any given topic. When you expect to have the one, the partner who isn't it can become very resentful when you look outside of them to get that mental or emotional fulfillment.
Going to some groups & talking to those in the poly lifestyle, while I do think it requires a bit more work, as you have 2 adults to keep happy - it also means there are 2 people to help you, whether the problem/feelings are yours, or the third in the partnership. You are not alone in solving your personal problems, nor are you alone in trying to help the one you love that is hurting. Of course, this also means there are 2 (or more) people trying to talk sense into you at times :)
After saying above, unless it is understood that you're having an open relationship, or a committed poly one, you should be monogamous. If that is NOT discussed and understood by all parties... well, I think that's where there's a big disconnect these days. I do think the current trend of serial monogamy is a joke.
