In a lot of ways 'fag' is like the n-word. It's a word that shows more about the hate in the heart of the speaker than the person it's being applied to.
I do a lot of gender theory, and it always saddens me how quickly the 'gender norms' are picked up on by the young. And how very unfairly they're being applied to boys. I think boys have MUCH less leeway than girls--a girl who doesn't like pink and Disney Princesses is a 'tomboy', but that just doesn't have the same weight as 'fag' to hurt, you know? Yet...one tiny step outside of that very small box of 'what is appropriate for boys' and...out comes the most painful word. Even when boys don't even know what it means, it hurts.
And I honestly feel sad for those children who called him names, because I get glimpses into their lives from my students. I have seen male students say they will kill a child of theirs if he is gay. I have seen them insist that boys play with trucks and girls with dolls and that's it and they would NEVER let their son touch a dolly. Or wear pink. Or even, in one case, get christened in a 'dress'. I know they're just parroting back what they grew up with--that these rules were the rules under which they were raised--hockey was appropriate, dance lessons were not.
But as long as these beliefs go unchallenged, they will continue down to THAT child's children, and the next, and the next.
tl; dr : our culture makes me sad for what it does to boys.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-04-22 06:24 pm (UTC)I do a lot of gender theory, and it always saddens me how quickly the 'gender norms' are picked up on by the young. And how very unfairly they're being applied to boys. I think boys have MUCH less leeway than girls--a girl who doesn't like pink and Disney Princesses is a 'tomboy', but that just doesn't have the same weight as 'fag' to hurt, you know? Yet...one tiny step outside of that very small box of 'what is appropriate for boys' and...out comes the most painful word. Even when boys don't even know what it means, it hurts.
And I honestly feel sad for those children who called him names, because I get glimpses into their lives from my students. I have seen male students say they will kill a child of theirs if he is gay. I have seen them insist that boys play with trucks and girls with dolls and that's it and they would NEVER let their son touch a dolly. Or wear pink. Or even, in one case, get christened in a 'dress'. I know they're just parroting back what they grew up with--that these rules were the rules under which they were raised--hockey was appropriate, dance lessons were not.
But as long as these beliefs go unchallenged, they will continue down to THAT child's children, and the next, and the next.
tl; dr : our culture makes me sad for what it does to boys.